Internet users have praised a woman for being upfront when she told her sick mom that she won't look after her older brother when she passes away.
Reddit user u/hellmouthtv's outburst was sparked by years of picking up her autistic brother's slack, as she feels he "weaponizes his incompetence," she wrote on the site's Am I The A******? (AITA) subforum.
Her 22-year-old brother was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome by a school psychologist 11 years ago as he was showing signs of behavioral issues and his grades started suffering. The diagnosis led him to receive "different treatment" from his sister, who was "expected to basically act the role of [an] older sibling."
Asperger's syndrome longer a diagnosis on its own, but rather part of the broader category of autism spectrum disorder. Those with the condition can show high levels of intelligence, but they struggle to understand social cues and conventions, according to Harvard Health. They might not understand humor, irony, or body language, they can find it difficult to keep secrets or take hints, which often makes them seem rude or abrupt.
After years of looking after her brother, the poster says that she has to "make allowances for the things he doesn't do," including his laundry and the dishes.
"I accepted the responsibility, did my best to be a good sister despite my frustrations, my own struggles, and how he made so many of my friends uncomfortable that they refused to come over to my house," she wrote. "I did it all because well he has autism, so he sees the world differently. So, imagine my shock at 18 when I get diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder."
Autism spectrum disorder is thought to affect 1 in 36 children, affecting people of all backgrounds and upbringings, according to data collected by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Following her own diagnosis two years ago, the poster's own mom has said the "doctors are wrong" and repeatedly denied her autism. The mom insists that since she's better at socializing than her brother, there mustn't be anything wrong.
"In an argument last week with my mother, when she was insisting I do my brother's laundry since I was already doing a small load of my own at the laundromat, I snapped and told her, 'I hope you know that when you are gone, there will be no one to do his laundry and pay his rent when he gets fired again.'"
The Reddit user feels she had to "learn to live" with her autism without support. Now, she regards her older brother as "a future drain" on her life.
Board-certified behavior analyst Ashleigh Evans stands by the Redditor, as she notes how overwhelming it can be to care for a family member. She has spent 13 years helping autistic children and their families, and she works with the organization Blue ABA to provide at-home therapy for children with autism.
"Supporting family members with special needs can take a significant toll on individuals and the family as a whole," Evans told Newsweek. "It is difficult to know whether the brother could be doing more to care for himself and the home, without personally conducting a skills assessment. However, the onus does not and should not fall on the sister to do everything."
Evans recommends setting boundaries for the mom and brother and also giving the poster time to focus on herself. Therapy could help her to process how she's feeling about the perceived lack of support.
Since the Redditor shared her dilemma on April 1, the post has received over 5,900 votes and more than 660 comments. One person commented: "It needed to be said. He needs to learn to cope, or get a proper diagnosis and treatment, and if it's actually bad enough he might need a part-time carer."
Another comment reads: "Your brother is using his autism as an excuse for everything he doesn't want to do, and your mom is enabling him. He's 22 and it's time he grew up, but that's on your mom, not on you."
Newsweek reached out to u/hellmouthtv via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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